Joy to the world, here comes my drone.

Tom Sellin

By Tom Sellin Director of Business Development at King Solutions

We’ve been watching the industry news and wanted to have a little fun hypothesizing the early days of drone technology.

I was somewhat amused in reading about how a major fulfillment provider recently bragging about their new their revelation about the future use of drones to deliver their packages. First of all folks, that’s not likely to happen anytime soon…at least their version of it. Can you imagine the chaos of having mini helicopters in your neighborhood, not to mention the safety and liability that comes with that vision? It’s fun to dream, but that may be the extent of it.

Do you realize how far behind the times drone usage really would be? Technology that accomplishes a similar but far advanced version of that vision has already been in place for many years.  You may not know how this is done so maybe this will help you understand where I am coming from.

The 23rd century technology I am speaking of was actually unleashed a long time ago.   For obvious reasons it has been held as a very well kept secret.   In recent years as the U.S. Military was in development of its drone technology, this resource was used to get them moving forward.  The secret resource agreed to help as the Drones in some way were to be used to help with Peace on Earth. Though we can argue as to whether that is what is happening, that was the intent.

You see, at a secret location on the furthest point north there is a place where usage of top secret devises has evolved.   Millions of highly futuristic devises, somewhat similar to our antiquated drones are used.  The highlight of that usage is during one major logistic each year; the largest logistic project on earth. How that distribution happens is a total mystery to most people, who cannot even fathom how it happens.

Super-drones are very small, able to pass through the smallest crevice.  They are incredibly powerful, able to carry over 10 million times their own weight.  They are also somehow able to carry even the largest packages through incredibly small areas, seeming to ignore the laws of physics as well as time.

These super-drones are extremely small, and basically invisible to the naked eye.  They are also made to travel in complete silence, and change color to match any surrounding so you will never actually see them. They run on three types of power.  Mostly they are powered by Darkness, totally explaining why much of their use is during the night.   Though Darkness provides their primary fuel source, they are also powered by consuming milk and cookies along their way. Leftover milk and cookies are then teleported back to headquarters and well we are not sure but we believe the big guy there gets his share.

This annual project culminates late in December.  The master ship around travels the globe piloted by “you know who” and pulled by a bunch of magic creatures (the one in the front has a red nose).  The millions of super-drones are used to deliver billions of packages passing with through the smallest of chimneys and other openings in every home.

The entire project appears quite complex to those of us in the logistics industry.  We understand however that with commitment, good planning and resources just about anything is possible.

Though the largest portion of this amazing project event happens one time per year, Santa uses these same super-drones on an ongoing basis around the globe to stay current on who is being nice and exactly who is being, well…not so nice.  As a child, like most of you I always wondered about this.

Though from a technical standpoint these devises are not FAA, FDA, USDA, CMMA or otherwise approved, they present no specific threat to any other devices, people or the world we live in.  Rest assured no one ever has been hurt by a super-drone.  There is no need to panic.

I want to caution you:  please do not be too alarmed by this breaking story.  The exact technology to build a super-drone is kept highly secretive, heavily guarded so that it never falls into the wrong hands.  For the sake of your children, it probably is best left a secret, but I am sharing it with you so that you are informed.

I’d like to close in saying “BETTER TO BE NICE THAN NAUGHTY!!  YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!”

Happy Holidays!